There is something about being an ordained minister that is laden with all kinds of cultural assumptions - being holier than thou, never having sex or if so, only in the puritanical version - never to be enjoyed, serving as a moral police officer, being a sleazy TV evangelist, or protesting at abortion clinic, or having a "call from God." Whether any of these assumptions and the vast number of others out there in the popular culture are true, the last one carries with it the decisive imprint of ministry. Who can argue with someone who has been zapped by the Holy Spirit and from that point on takes on the task of speaking for God, no less, in this world? Quite a different approach from the venture capitalist I once knew who stated with bold-faced honesty, "My calling in life is to make millions of dollars." There are times when I wish it were that clear. Because it seems that there is a lot of confusion about this "call from God." Often it is perceived as unquestioned authority or a mystical connection with the powers of the universe that has the strength to keep it from raining on commencement day, or to land the huge "naming gift" for a campus building or help a student ace a final. At institutions in which I've served, all of these have been attributed to my work or role!

My own personal experience of "being called" looks, sounds, and even feels a bit like some of the above. But from the inside out it is very different. Yes, I did have a powerful personal experience of what I call "a loving presence" when I was four years old. Sitting on the steps of my home in Iowa with my dad I looked at the stars one night and they suddenly began to dance before my eyes. I then felt something real and alive within me and said to my dad, "Daddy, look at the stars. How could anyone not believe in God?" From that distant day through my childhood I was interested in religion and religious practice. At age 7, I would tell people in the bowling alley who were drinking and smoking, "God doesn't like that behavior." (I grew up Baptist). I tried to convert my little friends. A child evangelist? Well Ö not far from the truth. Until a day in my teenage years when at a coffeehouse (yes, this was the 60s) I tried to convert a Vietnam vet to Jesus, and he told me that the world was so full of hell that God couldn't be here. My bubble burst.

My passion for God, though, was not quenched, and during my college years, and when I gravitated to the chaplain's office (some surprise) and found the campus chaplain to be a realist, who could engage my intellectual curiosity and critical questions with a passion for justice and theological facility, it awakened a new kind of "call." I went to seminary not to be a minister but to study theology with a goal of being a professor.

My first year at Princeton Seminary was tough. The students who were "meant for ministry" seemed to be the "beautiful people" who were climbing the ecclesiastical ladder to - God? - no, to a big and bigger church where they could live in a fancy parsonage and preach fancy sermons. Not for me, that life. It took a personal experience of very dramatic vulnerability for the "call" to awaken in my life. And through that experience, I came to see that a call to ministry is not an external voice that erupts out of the blue, but often comes when we least expect it and may come out of the dark night of the soul. I knew I was called to ministry, not as a power trip, but as an agent of God's transforming love for this world (at least on my best days).

Today, I believe I have the best job in the world. Being a chaplain at Macalester College and also being able to work with students to make sense of their own gifts, passions, and lives is wonderful work. The Lilly Grant has made possible rich opportunities for students to explore their own "calling" here at Macalester, and it is thrilling for me to be a part of this process.

A call - well, yes - but more importantly, for me, the call is to pay attention to the "caller" and the whats and whys of the call. And most importantly, to recognize that such a call or vocation is life-long and takes many turns and twists and has many surprises in store for all of us.