Now, on to the true matter at hand. The real problem with cell phones is the way that they only ring when you’re busy doing something else. If I had a dollar for every time I got a call on my cell phone while I was sitting about waiting for one, I’d be poorer than you. Logically, the best times to get phone calls are while you’re in class, while you’re playing a sport, or while you’re fending off marine life, hoping they don’t kill you. And in all of those situations, the ring is annoying. “Switch your phone to vibrate,” they say. But we all know that isn’t really an option. Nine times out of ten, cell phone vibrations are mistaken for pacemaker failures and have resulted in 39 percent of modern geriatric deaths. And while murdering old people is all well and good, it doesn’t aid society in any capacity… so clearly the... wait, murdering old people DOES aid society. In EVERY way. Go cell phones!