Cont’d from last week…

… As Johnny began to inch towards the soapy scientist, licking his lips in anticipation, he wondered whether he was making a terrible mistake. As if in answer to his question, Dr. Jewels stretched out his arm beckoning Johnny forward. “I’ve noticed your well-formed contributions in anatomy class, Johnny. You must have such a big…brain. How ‘bout a sneak preview of next week’s lesson…?” Johnny hesitated. His mind flashed back to that fateful night at pickle-ball camp—the whipped cream, the dildo…the horror. He came back to the reality that was the steamy shower room and said, “I…I’m not sure we should do this.” Dr. Jewels cackled throatily. “But Johnny…How can something that’s wrong feel soooo right?” Johnny couldn’t argue with this logic. His legs seemed to melt beneath him until he found himself on his knees, staring down 10 inches of un-cut destiny straight into its one little slit of an eye. His mouth watering with a hunger he had never felt before, Johnny grabbed hold of Dr. Jewels’ pulsing man-meat and prepared to feast. It was then he realized that he had no idea what he was doing…
 

Alright guys. This week we’re gonna tackle that ever-lingering question: How do you give a good blowjob? We consulted some resources on the subject, and drew on our own vast personal experience to come up with this quick list of essentials:
 

* Concentrate on the head rather than the shaft. Clearly it’s necessary to occasionally paint the tree, but for the most part the nerve endings in the penis are concentrated in glans, particularly the underside. A little tricky tongue work and you’ll have him squealing for more.

* Use the entire mouth. This will take some practice, but rotating your head and attempting to utilize every nook and cranny of the mouth (minus the teeth) is a good strategy.

* Don’t ignore the balls. They wanna party too! Just be very cautious and look for feedback in this sensitive area.

* Rhythm is key. Start out slow and work your way into a steady pace. If you’re not sweating by the end, you haven’t done your job.

* Communication. Look at your partner during the process, and keep your ear bent for audio feedback.

* For the most part, don’t squeeze. This is not a Gatorade bottle. If you want to quench your thirst at this juice-bar you need to stroke it baby…stroke it in!

* If you feel like your gagging/choking/barfing, go slower, or take a little break. Basically, don’t bite off more than you can chew (We’re speaking metaphorically here).