It’s week 4 of spring semester, and Violent Vixen + Very Virile are somewhat perturbed to report that there are still no sexual inquires or quandaries coming our way.

People, the sex columnist for the Brigham Young University student newspaper is getting hotter and more interesting sex questions than we are, but never fear, like the good Mac students we are, we’ve done a little research and found what seems to be a solution to this February sex lull.

It has come to our attention that there is a powerful grassroots movement taking hold here at Macalester, a sexual underground if you will, a group dedicated to making Macalester the bastion of hedonism it once was. The group goes by the name Macalester De-A-Sexualization League (MDL). That’s right, a league of students setting out to de-a-sexualize (or sexualize, because as you know the de- and the a- eventually cancel each other out) Macalester.

As is the case with most grassroots movements, it has been difficult to locate any one leader, but rest assured, they are out there looking to bring sex and all the good that goes with it back to Macalester.

We know our faithful readership is wondering how they too can join the MDL. Unfortunately, there is no membership listserv, no newsletter, no dot-com and no MCSG charter, so the only way to join is by meeting other MDL members and caballing at parties, in basements or in dorm laundry rooms; however, membership is not really the goal of MDL. The MDL is simply asking all those somewhat sexually unfulfilled students at Macalester to take action into their own hands (pun only slightly intended) and de-a-sexualize Mac.

Recent events attributed to MDL have been two “make-out” parties and a “raunchy ass” game of Spin-the-Bottle; however, an undisclosed source has told us that these events are just the tip of the proverbial sexual iceberg and that the coming debauchery will be epic).

It’s still up to you to initiate legendary sexual escapades but rest assured: the MDL will be waiting and watching.