Vanessa Snuffles ’05 could barely contain her excitement upon leaving the study abroad orientation session held in Carnegie Hall on Tuesday. “I just learned a ton!” Snuffles exclaimed, clutching her take-home reading materials close to her heaving breasts. “I just couldn’t imagine traveling to a distant, exotic land without a preparatory Power Point presentation.”

Snuffles, who will next spend semester studying English literature in London, believes that any American traveling abroad should be instructed in such issues as culture shock, safety and security, and agenda-making before leaving, preferably in monotonous, bullet-point form.

“The farther away you travel, the more bullet-points that should be read to you,” Snuffles observed.

Referred to in some circles as “Easy Lay Vanessa,” Snuffles was especially interested in the portion of the presentation devoted to student sexual activity abroad.

“I’ve always been uncomfortable with the easy/frigid dichotomy that our male-oriented culture constructs to label a woman’s sexual lifestyle,” she said. “I thought I could escape such juvenile sentiments while abroad in London, but, as I learned at orientation, having lots of sex in other countries earns women the same ‘easy’ label. You just can’t win—that is, unless you count having sex with lots of hot men as ‘winning.’ So I guess I win!”