Mockalester College students were shocked last weekend when shit went down on campus.

In what is shaping up to be an ongoing campus trend, shit happened in many of the dorms as well as the Campus Center and Kagin Commons.

“I couldn’t believe it,” Sandy Levitsky ’05 said. “I figured as a junior still living on campus, I had seen all the shit that was ever going to happen on campus. You can imagine my surprise last weekend when shit started happening all over!”

The cause of the shit has yet to be traced, but the rumor on campus links the shit to a number of people, including Political Science Professor Frank Adler.

According to a close, personal friend of Adler, he is a “party animal,” discrediting his public image at Mockalester. Adler was seen leaving his Carnegie second floor office early Friday evening but, to the surprise of many bystanders, he turned away from the staff parking lot and walked toward Doty Hall.

Fred Segal ’04, who witnessed Adler’s antics, said: “I was just about to head home and get high when I saw Adler heading out from Carnegie. He went over to Park Liquors and picked up a couple bottles of Kamchatka and then I knew some shit was gonna happen!”

Saturday turned out to be very exciting, with shit going down all over the Mockalester Campus. Whether looking for some shit to do or just to shoot the shit, shit could be found in all corners of the campus.

“I was truly surprised,” Brian Wagner, director of the Mockalester College Campus Center, said. “Shit never happens here, and then, all of a sudden, Shit! Where’d that come from? I thought I’d seen all the shit I was gonna see at QU this year, but these kids never cease to surprise me. Kids these days...”

Even Sunday night, traditionally reserved for more responsible activities like homework and finding buyers for next weekend, diverged from its normal activities. Shit happened again on Sunday night, though not with the same frequency as Saturday night.

Stevens said, “Fuck man, if I knew campus was like this all the time, I wouldn’t spend nearly as much time in bed jerking off to the Dean of Students homepage.”