In a move that will leave you bouncing off the walls and begging for Valium, Mockalester College agreed to host overflow patients from Shady Acres, a state asylum for the predominantly insane. Shady Acres, located a hop, skip, and a hump away, faces serious budget cuts from the state, which claims that “true Americans don’t go insane, and if they do, they’re patriotic enough to ignore it.”

“Wasting taxpayers’ money so you can speak to the voices in your head is not a wise choice,” said Representative Richar Thanou (R). “I hear voices all the time, and you don’t see me voting for Democrats.”

Although many students may not like the idea of sharing campus space with nutzos, more likely than not, they won’t know the difference. “Their habits are really no different,” said Shady Acres Resident/Nurse Sue Mefercare. “Our residents don’t sleep, eat out of dumpsters, walk around wearing whatever god-awful shroud of clothing they can find, and use lots of nonsense words, like federalism and strategery,” she said.

Laurie Hamre, dean of students and vice president of student affairs, said it is the responsibility of the campus to be as receptive as possible. “I think something along the lines of ‘sanity-blind’ housing would be appropriate in this case,” she said.

“Just think of some of the other options, ‘need-blind’ housing for example,” Hamre confided with a girlish giggle. “I just love the idea of toying with class struggles in the fight for the ‘top-bunk.’”

Some critics, who could not be named, or even confirmed to exist, and might be the figments of our collective unconsciousness, like to ask whether or not the medical needs of the deranged patients can be adequately fulfilled at the college. The critics also started asking random women for their phone numbers.

Winton Health Services responded to say it will gladly fill the medical need. “If we can cure cancer with a few pills and a shot in the arse, there’s no doubt we can do something for these little mental buggers,” said Nurse Bob, while stroking a stogie and playing the banjo in the quiet confines of the Winton complex.

“What if this story devolves into a nightmarish reality, where we are all really insane, and only believe by deception that we are in college,” asked an inquisitive narrative voice, which spoke from the second person perspective. The first person was unavailable for comment. “That’s a lie,” I said.

“What if college is a term used to calm those people who would otherwise freak out to know that they were verifiably insane?” asked Ahmed Samatar, International Studies Professor and Dean of International Studies and Programming, who declined to comment on the fact that if you took four letters of his last name, and added just one, just one little ‘n’ could spell out . . . could it be . . . SATAN!

When asked why they called the state hospital for the predominantly insane Shady Acres, the Provost and Dean of Residents Brooklyn Bustyoass said, “Because when it came time to take over this two bit operation, someone began shouting, ‘will the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up’, and so I stood up, and shook my thing, and the rest, as you know, was history.”