Hey there, Vixen and Virile,
I have this huge prob. I have the hots for this senior girl. I am only a sophomore and she is graduating this year. What should I do? Just as background info: she knows that I exist and she likes to talk to me when we accidentally see each other on campus, but apart from that there’s nothing going on between us, unfortunately.
Cheers!
-Any Advice
Well, AA, your story is a sad and all too familiar one on this campus: So in response to you and many others on this campus who are in the same situation we have one predictable piece of advice. Ask the girl out, stupid. (Who knows? It could be this campus’ resident sex goddess-me - Violent Vixen.)
See, if you do ask her (me) to hang out, there’s the potential for up to 10 orgasmic weeks of what could be the best sex of your life. On the other hand, she (I) could say she’s (I’m) busy and you’ll feel kinda stupid when you’re talking to her (me) next time, but spontaneous combustion aside, what’s the harm?
Now, onto the fun part of this little public service announcement-the possibilities of me (or some other girl) finding your proposition enticing versus making up some lame excuse to avoid you without hurting your feelings (or spontaneously combusting. I saw a special on it; it really does happen. People just blow up).
Never fear, Violent Vixen + Very Virile do have a foolproof strategy for you. (Well, it’s really more of an ideology.) It’s all about putting the proverbial ball in their proverbial court, or, for those of you who don’t like sports analogies, it’s like putting your proverbial turn signal on to see if the proverbial driver in the lane over will let you merge. And for those of you who are just stupid and don’t get analogies, all you need to do is show interest and back off. Now, there will be people (stupid people) who recommend other ways of going about this task, but they’re dumb. Do it our way.
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More Info
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Violent Vixen and Very Virile await your inquiries at SPO 1142 or at macweekly@macalester.edu. Of course, fan letters are welcome here too.
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