Today the surf looks good for all of you cawabanga dudes out here in south California,” explained the weatherman on Fox channel 11.

“Well, I think I am going to surf today.” I thought to myself. I was lying on my bed still in my shorts, room smelling like shit, and bottles discarded all over the floor from the party I had the night before. “Whatevers man, I will clean this shit hole before my parents come home.” They had explicitly asked me repeatedly that I do not have people over the nights that they were gone, but who cares, all my friends had had their parties.

Last night was my turn. I had turned on the barbeque grill right before the night settled last night, and as I awaited for Mike to roll over to my crib, I had placed two pieces of chicken breasts to cook while I mixed the drinks. Anyways, that’s not really the story. I got up from bed and made it to the bathroom. As I walked through the clothes, bottles, garbage, pizza boxes, papers, my dog buried under all that shit, I used my leg to make a path that led to the door. Along the way, I kicked my dog who jumped up as if he was sleeping beauty awoken from 100 years of sleep. He jumped up as he yelped to catch my attention. I think they smoked him out man, and I think I know who did. Anyways, I took a shower, used a very smelly towel to dry myself. I could only imagine what they did to it. I had to find some somewhat clean clothes to wear since the ones I had were covered in alcohol. Now I remember, it was that fat kid from 9th grade that tried to impress the chicks by drinking a whole bunch of liquor. He was trying to make his way out of the house when he stumbled and spilled most of his jungle juice on my ass. Shit, I have to clean that couch. I dug through the heap of clothes that had collected into a mountain on one comer of my room and found my favorite pair of jeans. I slipped on a white wife beater and made a quick search for my shoes. When I found them, I slipped them on barefeet only to feel my toes engulfed within a mass of squishy nastiness. Oh shit! Yes, literally, shit shit shit … my toes were covered with shit. As I pulled my foot out, I took one good look at my toes and almost puked. I could not believe that someone shat in my shoe. Dammnnn Mannnn!!

After having to take a second shower, I found my other pair of Timberland boots. This time I made sure that I smelled them first and even put a fork in them just to spare myself the agony. I grabbed my bus change, my surfboard, and made one last look at all the crap I had to clean up. “The house can wait, I still have a few days to clean it up,” I said aloud to myself as I locked the door.