Contributing Writers

Upon initial inspection, the napkins at the French Meadow Bakery are made of pristine white cloth, but when pressed to your lips they reveal themselves to be nothing more than heavy-duty paper. This is the FMBC: chic on the outside, soulless on the inside.

FMBC didn't have us at hello when they failed to have our reservation written down and tried to make us feel lucky we even got a table. We were handed our menus and directed to a table in the corner. When the next couple was escorted to their table with courtesy and smiles, we felt shafted.

The interior is like an airplane hanger: the ceilings are too high and the room is just comfortable enough to mask a lack of personality. The walls are white and framed newspaper reviews are what pass as décor. That is, until you visit the ladies' room and are transported to a small town ice cream parlor complete with cow-themed mural painted by someone named "Sequoia." Even the most annoying of the Trading Spaces design team (hello Doug!) could tell you the place is in need of a makeover. We all agreed that even a coat of color on the walls could make a world of difference.

And then we met our waiter, Joshua, who seemed to be fresh out of rehearsal for the Renaissance Festival. Really. We kept waiting for him to say something like "Pickle, me lady?" but instead he repeatedly referred to us as "senorita" and used the word "stunning" to describe four different dishes.

We were met with our next disappointment when it turns out that the FMBC is guilty of a little advertising faux pas. The ad we saw seemed to promise half-price entrees, wine, and desserts on Saturday night. When we brought the offer up, Joshua assured us that this was a common misreading and only bottles of wine were half-price. There was never any mention that the ad's wording would be changed, making the ad seem like less of a faux pas and more of a bait and switch. We realized our budget would now limit us to salads all around. Yipee!

Sarah ordered the spinach and apple salad with beets, bleu cheese and pumpkin seeds ($7.95). The spinach was fresh, the pumpkin seeds were toasted and delicious and the tiny bit of bleu cheese made the salad. The cheese was bright and a good counter to the deep character of the beets.

Mel ordered the night's special salad with watercress from "some guy in Wisconsin's backyard," Renaissance Josh informed us. ($8) It came with asparagus, apples, queso fresco, bib lettuce and more beets. The asparagus had a slightly smoky taste, the watercress was appropriately peppery, but Mel thought the queso fresco was too mild to balance its counterparts.

Emily was lucky enough to order the only salad worthy of calling itself a meal. Unlike the aforementioned salads, the tofu sesame salad actually covered the whole surface of the plate. ($8.95) The tofu was warm but could have been firmer and they had gone a little heavy on the ginger vinaigrette, but at least there was a lot of salad. There were no star veggies added to the salad, it was basically a dinner salad with good dressing and lots of tofu.

The best part of the meal was the bread, which was free and necessary because of the inadequate size of the "meals". Since the FMBC is primarily a bakery, perhaps we should have anticipated this. Tipped off by the bread, it seemed appropriate that we order dessert. For the active sweet tooth, the dessert menu is long and impressive. Unfortunately, while Renaissance Josh was espousing the "stunning" merits of the flourless chocolate cake, they sold the last piece. He redeemed himself (and the FMBC in a small way) by bringing us a slice of "killer chocolate cake" on the house. We've been on diets and the cake was super chocolatey, so there weren't too many complaints even though it was laced with random crunchy things that upset the texture of the cake.

Walking out of the FMBC, we felt glad to know we would be reimbursed for the meal. We didn't have entrees, which ranged from $14-20, so we can't exactly comment on the menu as a whole, but the FMBC is nothing to write home about. Shoddy and sometimes annoying service coupled with a lack luster interior needs to have some seriously rockin' food to make up the deficit. Maybe we can tell Josh this when we run into him at the human chess game at the Renaissance Festival.