The Mac Weekly staffers took part in most famous of the The Mock Weekly traditions—The Footrace on Wednesday, April 30 on Macalester Street.

Features Editor James “McGregor” Hamilton ’03 and fellow senior Sarah “ Fazio won the men’s and women’s races, respectively.

The footraces had been eagerly anticipated by a staff sick of sitting in a window-less basement in front of computer screens.

Defending men’s champion Jordan “husband material” Becker ’04 had been confident that despite his early departure, he would fend off all challengers. His timed run was a brisk 7.55 seconds. Hamilton, meanwhile, had hoped that younger colleagues like Brent “I can skip my Thursday class” Hecht wouldn’t upstage him. Hamilton’s run, timed at an electrifying 7.11 seconds, was enough to see him win. Staff writer Michael “Miguel” Barnes chose to run barefoot and finished second. Arts Editor Ben “it’s like this movie I saw” Sachs and Opinion Editor Dhruva “I’ll go back for the garlic sauce” Jaishankar were content sharing third. Only four men competed.

Hamilton was absolutely overjoyed. “It’s destiny,” he said, of his upset over Becker. “I knew he wasn’t competition. He’ll probably challenge me to a rematch or some such nonsense. Whatever, I’m graduating.”

Following the boys’ race, the nine women faced off. News editor Lizzie “I’ll smoke it all” Tannen was not present and Music editor Maura “anti-Rob” McAndrew vowed to jog the 50-yard dash.

Editor-in-chief Emily “where’s my beer” Anderson ’03 lost her footrace title to Fazio and finished a disappointing third. Katherine Tylevich capped a good day for the Features department with a second place finish. Casey “good sport” Reynolds said, “Fazio hauled ass.”

Fazio expressed jubilation, “I’m really glad I won,” she said.

Jordan Becker was unavailable for comment, choosing instead to slave away at Office Max.