In response to the growing scare of Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS), Mockalester has taken a huge step in limiting the disease’s spread on campus. In a move that has angered minority and international students, all students from East Asia as well as those of Asian origins have been quarantined in doubly-locked 30 Mock.

In addition all students from Canada have been tossed in there as well, following the spread of the disease to Toronto. “I don’t know what the fuck this is all aboot,” said Bill Primakovsky ’05 of Saskatoon, Sasketchwan. “I was going to get a brewski at the Tap when an armada of guys in American Security Corp. hats ambushed me and knocked me out. When I awoke I found myself in the sterile surroundings of 30 Mock surrounded by Asian kids, eh?”

The Asian students are also naturally unhappy. This is the second blow to the group in as many months after Yao Ming and the Houston Rockets were eliminated from NBA playoff contention.

Middle-Eastern students, meanwhile, are glad that finally other people are experiencing the kind of shit they’ve had to put up with since September 11th, 2001. “We’re used to racial profiling. It’s time that the Chinese, Koreans and Japanese had a share of it,” said Abdullah Sheehan ’03.

All the Asian students were unavailable for comment.