After the success of this year’s trial to boost the college’s image with an increased sobriquet budget, the Mockalester administration has decided to further enhance that program for the 2003-2004 school year.

“Investing in special nicknames for students has clearly brought new meaning and uniqueness to the campus,” notes Doug Stone of Public Relations. “Students this year have benefited invaluably from discussion about and mockery of such cases as ‘Running Boy’ and ‘Juggling Boy.’”

The intentions behind the project, created last August by a task force composed of Admission office employees and Psychology department professors, have been multi-faceted. The task force argued that the designated sobriquets foster a sense of campus unity, as all can relate to them. Further, they enhance the character of the college while also encouraging individuality in students.

“We are currently in the process of creating additional sobriquets for next year and the years to come,” said an official release from Admissions. “Fortunately, we’ve received so many applications for the positions that this should not be a problem. We assume that this has something to do with the growing portion of the student body that’s starved for attention.”

Admissions is having a difficult time, however, selecting metaphors for next year because of the widespread demand for positions. Applications have been received from a “Hand-walking Boy,” a pair of twins who would become “Galloping and Skipping Boys,” “Uncontrollable Paroxysms Boy” and a prospective student who has applied to be “Flying Boy” is under investigation by the staff. The application of a “Demagogic Vitriol Boy” was rejected on grounds that his nationalist rants would clash with the inclusive nature of the project, not to mention the general multicultural mission of the school itself.

Student reactions to the program have mostly been positive, although a few have been upset with the college’s program.

“I can’t believe that the college would support such a outrageous program,” said Claire Fisher, ’05. “First of all, are they ever going to include any women? Secondly, it’s just so immature!”

Overall, however, students, staff, and faculty have put their support behind the experimental project.

“I think this program is just great,” remarked Justine Green, ’06. “It always brightens my day when I spot one of these guys. And now it turns out that next year they’re getting even more just like them! I can’t wait to see who they bring in!”

Professors are also impressed by the symbolism and cutting-edge nature of the college’s campaign.

“These sobriquets add an entirely new dimension to the culture of Mockalester,” said Marie Thorsten of International Studies. “Since the names play off individual personality traits, students are forced to reconcile with ‘otherness’ and thereby reify their own identities. That all this can be done without forcing students to actually converse with these weirdos is even more commendable.”