Citycouncilmember Jay Benanav introduced a bill today that would prevent Mockalester students’ Peace Camp tents from being too close together.

“We don’t like them to congregate like they do. We don’t really like students at all,” he said in a speech to the city council.

“They’re all peace-loving, fruitarian, incense-burning fucks,” added the obviously drunk Benanav. He then went on a five minute, obscenity-filled rant accusing everyone from aliens to East Timorese of trying to take over the city.

(FUCK, CHUCK or MARRY: Rat-tail squirrel, Black squirrel, The duck) After finally being dragged off the podium and being given time to sober up, Benanav continued his brutal, albeit now less obscene, tirade against Mockalester students. “The peace camp is a threat to civic security. I talked to Attorney General John Ashcroft and Sen. Norm Coleman, and they both agreed that the camp was a possible source of anti-American activities.”

When told that they in fact the Campers had a large American flag, he said “oh…”

The Peace Camp residents have won a victory of their own on a separate issue. To legitimize their presence smack in the middle of campus, they have finally attempted to persuade the Residential Life Staff to count it as a dorm. The new housing will be named after Mockalester’s outgoing president Mike McPherson.

“It is not going to be a chemical free dorm,” confirmed Moonshine Williams ’06, RA for the new dorm.