He’s got curly hair, an apparently nice collection of collared shirts, and posture that is sassy yet unaffected. But is there more to Alex Freeburg than hip bones that can be slice deli meat? I needed to find out. Our night began, as all nights should, with a tumbler of tequila and a discounted beer. Since I didn’t bring a tape recorder or a writing utensil, the traditional question-and-answer format was out of the question. But I trust, gentle reader, that your enthusiasm for intrepid journalistic variation is matched only by my enthusiasm for drink specials. Thus, I humbly present “Six Things You May or May Not Know About Alex Freeburg”
 

1. He pronounces “Chile” both ways.

Every student returning from this particular South American country has faced the same quandary: do you say you’ve been in “Chili” and feel a little bit dirty for purposefully mispronouncing the country that taught you so much and welcomed you with such warm hospitable arms, or do you say “Chee-lay” only to be faced with blank stares or rolled eyes from your friends in the States? Alex has found a simple way to mediate his cultural respect with his drive to communicate. Throughout our conversation, every seemingly ignorant “Chili,” was matched with a worldly “Chee-lay.” It’s a linguistic choice that says, “I can successfully acclimate to other cultures, but I’ve been around the block enough to know that a lot of my fellow countrymen don’t know where ‘Chee-lay’ is.” Respectful yet realistic. Hot.
 

2. He rides a motorcycle.

In his words, as I best recall them, “When you get onto the interstate and finally start doing 80, all you do is scream ‘cause you’re having so much fun.” He also taught me that black leather chaps are good for more than a Friday night at the Minneapolis Eagle. Turns out bikers wear all that leather so they’ll have a sort of “second skin” if they have an accident. Sadly for his legs and the world at large, Alex does not own a pair of chaps. But he wears a helmet. So he’s still setting a good example for the kids.
 

3. He doesn't like mayonnaise.

In Chee-lay, you can buy a sandwich on the street called a "completa" with avocados, a hot dog, assorted other meats, and a bunch of various condiments. He learned the hard way that if you do not specifically say "No mahonesa," your “completa” is smothered in roughly a pint of mayo. Alex did not appreciate this very much.
 

4. He bounces at Minneapolis’ 400 Bar.

This one time this totally drunk frat boy was being a punk at the door so Alex had to get all physical with him. He had his game face on and he got off the stool and was regulating that shit and the dude totally left before he got his ass beat. But then Alex turned around and realized that this bartender with giant muscles was behind him the whole time, so it wasn’t exactly Alex’s presence alone that scared dude off. Whatever. Alex still lays down the law to the extreme. Another time this girl was all “I have three Pabst cans in my purse. Can I still come in?” And Alex was like, “No.” For real.
 

5. He is learning Portuguese.

Alex tells me it’s like Spanish but a little bit different. The word “comer” is the same as Spanish (“to eat”) but it also means “to do it.” You know, “it, it.” And that the phrase for “I’m hungry” is the same as Spanish, but also means “I’m horny.” You heard it here first.
 

6. In Alexandria, South Dakota, there is a cemetery that has 50 of his blood relations from Olden Days buried in it.

Alex tried to reconnect with his roots by taking his motorcycle there this summer, but he couldn’t find the cemetery. I’m told he still had a good time.