Internationally known sex educator Jay Friedman spoke to an almost full John B. Davis lecture hall on Monday evening.

Friedman, a former disc jockey and host of a radio talk show about relationships, is based out of Seattle, Wash. and travels to campuses throughout the country speaking about his experiences and insights as a sex educator. He has written articles about a variety of sexuality issues and is certified by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. He is currently traveling the college circuit performing a lecture called "The J-Spot: A sex educator tells all."

Friedman covered a wide range of topics related to sexuality, including how to make condoms feel more pleasurable, the best way to practice using condoms, the three conditions to meet before having sex with someone, the state of sex education in the U.S. and the best way to improve one's sex life. Throughout his lecture he relayed personal anecdotes and relied on audience participation.

Early in the lecture, Friedman stressed what he considers to be the three conditions necessary to meet before having sex with someone. First, he asserts that one must both affirm and feel affirmed in his/her relationship. According to Friedman, this can be expressed in a number of ways; doing it with the lights on and being able to look deeply into your lover's eyes are included. Next, all parties involved must be able to accept responsibility for any consequences of the act they are about to engage in. "All too often we only learn about female responsibility, but men can be responsible too," Friedman said during a discussion of birth control methods. Finally, he added, before sex there must be assurance of mutual pleasure.

Friedman bemoaned the widespread use of abstinence-only curriculum in most of the nation's public schools. "Abstinence-only curricula is very simplistic and often frightening to the student," he said. He gave examples of the kinds of slogans promoted by this type of sex education and made it clear that he believes these "scare tactics" don't work.

Finally, Friedman disclosed the secret to a better sex life: Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises involve the contractionnd release of the PC muscle, the muscle one uses to control the flow of urination. According to Friedman, regular Kegel exercises increase sexual strength and stamina.

"Sex is good," Friedman said. "Often what we learn about sex is not so good." Friedman emphasized that open communication about sex is extremely important, both in personal relationships and in public environments such as school. Friedman discussed extensively the importance of masturbation to sexual knowledge. "We have such a stigma against masturbation in our society," he said. "Masturbation is the ultimate proof that we're all sexual beings." Friedman then segued into a discussion about condoms by addressing the men in the audience and saying "masturbation is the perfect way to practice using condoms."

Friedman used a significant amount of his lecture discussing the varying experiences he has had discussing sex education on college campuses. He specifically cited his experience lecturing to the first year class at MIT during orientation, describing these students as such: "We are engineers, we are nerds, we don't have time or desire for sex." He explained that in order to get across to these kinds of students, he oftentimes must describe sex and sexual response in terms of math and engineering. To do this, he compared arousal and response time to the heating time of kitchen appliances: "Men are like microwave ovens and women are like crock pots."

Danielle Nelson '05, who leads the Women's Sexuality Discussion group on campus, said that though she thought the lecture was a good idea, Friedman did not speak to Macalester students particularly.
 

"I think it's really important that there are sex educators out there—it's good that they are speaking on campuses," Nelson said. "We assume that since we're college students, we know a lot about our sexuality, but that's a misperception. [Sex educators's] job is important."

She went on to criticize the speaker about his seemingly secondary inclusion of women in the lecture as well as his lack of knowledge about Macalester students.

"I don't think he researched where he was going," Nelson said. "If he had, he would have addressed the crowd better. He was speaking to us in a very elementary way about feminism, for example, which most Macalester students know about."

Another student at the lecture, Sam Nalle '05, agreed with Nelson on this point.

"He was well-spoken and pretty funny," he said. "But he didn't mention very many things that people there hadn't heard before. It wasn't very enlightening—it was lot of stuff I had heard before.

"It was a lot of foreplay," Nalle said. "He had a really long introduction and not so much substance. It was good, but it was not anything to write home about."