While lounging in front of the Campus Center the other day, I spotted a familiar face coming towards me: that of Ernesto “Che” Guevara.

Che is dead, you say? To the contrary, he lives, albeit in the mass-produced world of lukewarm radical t-shirt design. Such a t-shirt was heading right towards me, stretched across the gangly torso of one Ben Johnson ’06. I looked quizzically at Che’s fuzzy mug, and he looked right back to me, as if to intone ever so lugubriously, as revolutionaries often do, “What the hell am I doing on this kid’s shirt?” Che wanted to know, and so did I.

“What are you doing, Ben? I thought you were an Econ major! Why are you wearing a Che Guevara shirt?”

“Dude, Communism is totally stupid. I just think Che is badass.”

“Badass?”

“Yup, totally badass. Just look at him.”

What could make a free-marketeering whiz kid like Ben sport far-left apparel in broad daylight? And then a moment of clarity hit me: the road to political success is not through the wonkishness of one’s policies or a neatly tanned, botoxed face. No, the truly great leaders of the 21st century have only one thing in common: they must be utterly brimming with that which we deem badass.

What is badass, you ask? Well, my 3rd grade teacher said show, don’t tell, so I’m going to do Mrs. Huckleberry proud. Bucking the Macalester trend with a thoroughly mo (as in the opposite of po-mo, as in post-modern) concept, here is a scientifically calculated “top six list” of the most badass political figures in the world today.

6) Lula, President of Brazil. Lula is one crazy cat. In response to the US fingerprinting tourists, including Brazilians, he ordered the Federal Police of Brazil to fingerprint all American tourists. He once called the proposed Free Trade of the Americas Agreement an “annexation of Latin America to the United States.” While rumors of alcoholism and overall zaniness have circulated in the press, I think this just adds to Lula's mystique. TrËs badass.

5) Condoleeza Rice. There's an inappropriate shortcoming of women, African-Americans, and Republicans on this short list, but at least we have Condi. While most Macalester kids shun the whole neo-con thing, I think Rice embodies the essence of badass: she's dangerous, scary and doesn't take any guff from anyone. No, really.

4) Minnesotan Politicians (too many to list). The late Paul Wellstone and Jesse Ventura come to mind, not to mention some considerably badass state senators, such as Ellen Anderson and Matt Entenza. Yes, it's clear that freezing weather encourages the badass in all of us. Seriously, do you see any badass people at all in Florida? Jeb Bush? Bob Graham? My grandparents? I didn't think so.

3) Hugo Chavez, president of Venezuela. Man oh man, this guy is badass. He chills in Cuba and Iran just to piss people off. He accused Bush of electoral fraud, called him the “emperor of evil” and simply “stupid.” He said Christopher Columbus was “worse than Hitler,” suggesting that Columbus Day be renamed “Day of Indian Resistance.” Boy would I hate to be a conquistador in his country!

2) Kim Jong-Il. Okay, I know he's a bad guy, but he dresses like Dr. Evil, which just makes me want to give him a hug. The BBC describes him as “a vain and capricious playboy, with permed hair and lifts in his shoes, and a penchant for foreign liquor.” Plus, he has nuclear weapons and a funny haircut.

1) David L. Blaney, Chair of the Macalester Political Science Department. Condi Rice got her doctorate at the University of Denver. David Blaney also got his degree at the U of D. That’s only the tip of the iceberg. A seemingly mild-mannered gentleman, there's something about Blaney that he doesn't want you to know: he is in fact Karl Marx reincarnate. Maybe it's just the ample beard (which, according to Blaney, is six years older than me) which vaguely resembles the face-foliage of a certain German on my flap jacket of Kapital. Or maybe it's that poor Communist work ethic: Blaney titled his dissertation “About Marx” (re: about himself). Whatever it is, anyone who is the reincarnated version of a highly influential and radical social scientist is the epitome of badass. Watch out, Hegemon, there’s a new anti-capitalist institution in town, and its name is David Blaney.