A straight person recently told me that, due to my bisexuality, I will have a “harder time” committing to a relationship because if I ever have a problem with one person, I will just dump him or her and start dating someone whose sex/gender is the opposite of the dumped.

Huh?

This attitude implies that dating, attraction and commitment are based on the size of the dating population and, more importantly, that sexual orientation dictates one’s character. Let me explain.

People often assume bisexual people are less faithful because they supposedly have more options; we date both women and men, so our dating pool is double that of people who only are attracted to one sex. Since when is attraction a direct function of population density? Attraction and committed relationships arise from endogenous factors (shared goals, compatible personalities, etc.) not exogenous ones (“Funny how when I’m in New York City I just gotta be unfaithful!” “Yeah, dude, I was in Wyoming and like, I just totally wanted to get married!”).

I’d also like to address the assertion that bisexual people do indeed have twice the dating options of other people. Due to the rampant prejudice and misunderstandings in both straight and gay/lesbian communities, our “dating options” actually decrease when we come out of the closet. Who wants to date someone who will “surely” dump them in a couple of months?

I feel that much of the misunderstanding around bisexuality comes from an assumption that all bisexuals are actively attracted to multiple genders (“needing” both kinds of sex). While there are bisexuals who choose to be polygamous with the knowledge and approval of their partners, there are also many who only date one person at a time and identify as bisexual merely because they don’t care about biological sex when looking for partners, much like people who are indifferent to the religion, race or ethnicity of their partners. Yes, some Jews only date Jews and some Irish may prefer to only date Irish, but there are also many individuals who feel comfortable partnering with someone whose background is different from their own.

As for judging someone’s character based on his or her sexual orientation: this is absurd. Once again, it is endogenous, not exogenous factors that make or break a relationship. People of all sexual orientations, races, ethnicities, genders, nationalities and colors have the potential to be perennial heartbreakers or devoted lifelong partners. So please, folks, if there is one point you take away from this, let it be this: morals, character, values, politics and beliefs are not dictated by sexual orientation.