Daniel: So. We have a show this Friday and Saturday.

Rick: Sho nuff. I’m pretty excited.

D: Yes. Me too.

Awkward Silence

R: Maybe we should give the readers a little taste of what’s to come. Haha. Come.

D: Well. There will be comedy. People will laugh.

R: No diggity. Y’know what, my appreciated readers, Bad Comedy is a thing of grandeur, a leviathan, a juggernaught. And we went professional this summer at the Bryant Lake Bowl. We’re celebrities!

D: I always knew I was famous.

R: I had my picture in the City Pages for four weeks, topless and with a box on my head.

D: Haha. Come. I just got it.

R: We are a war machine, a professional acting group. Some of us are amazingly flexible regarding what characters we play. Some of us are typecast. Daniel is one of them.

D: Flexible. I am flexible. This time around, I play a hardware store owner. It’s quite a stretch, but I think I’ve done some good research—going around to the different hardware stores and talking to people. I think it’s convincing.

R: I play a borderline-mentally-retarded adult in the child porn business. It was something of a reach.

D: Wasn’t your inspiration––

Rick hits Daniel

D: OW!

R: Inappropriate.

D: Sometimes, I don’t know where the line falls. Like that time I got drunk and thought to myself, “You know, 12 is like 21.”

R: Just so everyone knows, I don’t condone this kind of shit and think it shouldn’t be printed in The Mac Weekly. Still, it probably will. And getting back to that flexibility thing, remember when you kissed your own penis?

D: No, Rick, why don’t you tell the Macalester community about that.

R: I wasn’t there.

D: You’re right, only I was. And the best part was that I didn’t insist on cuddling afterwards.

Awkward Pause

R: Soooo…Back to Bad Comedy. It’s this Friday at 7:30 and 11 p.m. And Saturday at 7:30 p.m., right?

D: That sounds right. And there’s our hilarious week of stupid stunts, for which we managed to keep a man naked in the Campus Center for almost an hour.

R: I think it’s called Parade of Catastrophe.

Pause

R: I think I’m attracted to Laurie Hamre.

D: What?

R: I saw her on the news last night talking about how Macalester is going to have co-ed rooms soon. Boy, I know who I’d like to have a co-ed room with.

Awkward pause

D: This Friday, 7:30 and 11 p.m.; Saturday 7:30 in 10K (Dupre Basement).

R: No, but really though, don’t you think we’d make a good couple? We both have strawberry-blonde hair. And we’re tall.

D: I think we’re done talking, Richard.

R: I think I’m in love, Daniel.