In what appears to be a sick twist of events, once-lovable Icee Bear, Hans “Happy Fingers” Izleman (imported from Brig, Switzerland to the Como Zoo in 2002 for purposes of breeding), violently attacked local Golden Valley infant Louie Goldberg last Friday, Nov. 14. According to zoo officials, Goldberg enraged the bear by crying and crapping himself. “Ye cannot blame thee bear!” Ernst Viezenshnoodle, professional foreigner and impromptu bear trainer reportedly yelled at paramedics at the scene. “Blame the wee bairn!”