I took a gamble with my Friday night. Instead of the surefire fun that is in dorm parties, I took a step into a great personal unknown. I paid my first visit to a casino. I drove the Macalester Investment Group to the Mystic Lake Casino. In order for MIG to receive MCSG funding, the official purpose of the trip was to learn was to learn how to price risk. We really went to Mystic Lake because casinos loom large in America's psyche: Hollywood. And we wanted to win a little money or at least have a story to tell. For my story I found that the glamour associated with casinos is only a product or your expectations. Casinos will never be as sexy as your fantasies.

How are you going to go to a casino expecting to win money? Everyone knows that casinos take a cut of each wager. The only way you can win is if someone else loses more. Any expectation of winning must be weighed against a more likely loss. Nonetheless on Friday night I was dressed for success in my finest shimmering magenta shirt. The investment group was hyped but they had forgotten their magenta shirts. We got the night started right in the car listening to AC/DC. I expected our clubbing flavor to be maintained at the casino.

Upon arrival, I found bingo night meets the mall instead. I wasn't sweating it though, passion is passion whether it's clothed in a sexy shirt or khakis, and surely the high rollers would be sweating when the chips are down.

No dice. I didn't see fights, tears, triumphant hooting of money winning. I also mean that literally. There were no dice there. No craps. Crap, all there was were slots, video poker machines, video roulette tables and a few black jack dealers. This is jacked up. Where is the human drama in video poker? Hollywood lied to me; the wager was not a contest between the house and the human, rather a contest between human and PokerPlus2.0. The sexual interplay of card play was limited to hit me.

There did seem to be some house tension. I noticed a sort of incestuous power dynamic in Mystic Lake Casino hierarchy. For female employees status is inversely proportional to the amount of cleavage you show. If you work at the high stakes tables you get a classy vest and a starched white collar. At the regular tables it's a less sparkly vest, maybe the top button of your shirt undone and lots of makeup. If you bring free drinks to the people playing slots, your cleavage makes a mockery of medieval sensibilities much like Robin Hood Men in Tights.

The kicker of the Casino experience- what endears my cynical heart to the condescending liberal perspective that casinos prey on the hopes of people who have little but their hopes came at the end of our visit. I saw an elderly lady presumably suffering from a heart attack or stroke lying on the carpet. Two casino employees in suits had come up to her with air hoses and other equipment and were helping her until the medics arrived. The people on the next slot over were still playing. Listen up. You're not going to find Hollywood in the blue glow of video poker. If you are trying to win big make sure you don't gamble away your humanity.