Welcome back to the last month of school! Violent Vixen and Very Virile apologize for not answering all your questions and inquiries. Our SPO 1142 has busted open with the overflow of mail. The postmen and women working behind are quite upset with us … We’ve picked two of what we thought were most intriguing.

Give us some advice for the Minnesota Winter!

For more cuddling and more loving, take advantage of snow.

1. The number one place to have sex is the new, impressive igloo on the lawn between Weyerheuser and the Campus Center (rumor has it that it’s the reason the igloo was built).

2. Don’t forget to make all your snowmen and snowwomen anatomically correct and in the midst of lude and indecent acts if possible.

3. Make a snow angel while naked. Someone will undoubtedly find you attractive in the process.

4. Flirt like you’re in junior high. Start a snowball fight with your crush.

5. Finally, there’s this classic pick up line, “hey, it’s cold out here. Wanna come back to my room?”

How do I talk to that hotty I’ve only seen around a couple times?

-Timid writer

Well, as sort of public service announcement, Violent Vixen and Very Virile are going to explain to you how to talk to that mysterious hotty and how to do those festering term papers at the same time. Because it really is the exact same process.

First, research. It’s a small school, one of your friends have got to know a little something about your mystery crush. Second, think of a thesis. Basically wwhat are you going to say (e.g. hey, are you from Delaware? Or: I will argue Gramsci’s theory of hegemony allows us to better understand Saturday morning cartoons). Third, write an outline, figure out where and when you see them around. Finally, compose. This is the tricky part, but you’ve researched, you’ve got a strong thesis and you even have an outline.

Although you could find yourself procrastinating and watching the Simpsons or checking your e-mail, you’ll find once you get down to it, it’s really not that hard (leave a hour per page if you actually get to writing) after seeing how the first draft ends up. Finally, edit, or set up a time to meet again, or you can just skip all those steps and use the Spotlight. But that’s not as academically fulfilling, is it?