America grieves today as beloved ARBY’s celebrity, Oven Mitt, sits behind bars, somberly awaiting trail on charges of drug possession, public urination and prostitution. According to witnesses, Mitt stumbled out of a Los Angeles bar last Saturday drenched in melted cheddar, wearing high heels, and a bikini top made of two ARBY’s buns. Fellow commercial celeb. and friend to Mitt Ronald McDonald commented: “That homely pervert was always trying on my wig, stealing my big red shoes.” In his defense, all Mitt had to say was “I have no ears? I have no ears!”