The boycott is unquestionably an intrinsic and important tool of activism, used regularly by groups seeking to incite change within a system that has been deemed oppressive, offensive or in need of modification. Elementary school teachers tell students about the Montgomery bus boycott with the moral in mind that banding together against something that is wrong can create progress. Many of us have seen those same teachers go on strike to demand better salaries and resources. Here at Macalester, we are often advised to stop consuming everything from livestock treated with antibiotics to diamonds to Coca-Cola. The message is this: a large enough boycott movement can force the change that participants seek.

In many cases this message is true. But how much are activists really willing to boycott in support of their beliefs? Not drinking Coke is one thing, but are you willing to make a decision to boycott something that might directly influence your life, perhaps even prevent you from living the life you imagine for yourself? Are you willing to boycott marriage?

Straight people who consider themselves queer allies rarely seem to do more than hang out with enough queer people to demonstrate their supporter status. Your best friend is a gay man, of course you support gay rights. You think gay people should have the same rights as straight people, so they should be able to get married. But if you believe that it is wrong that gay couples are excluded from the institution of marriage, you must therefore believe that marriage as it exists today in the United States is a prejudicial institution. So why are you so willing to enter into it? As a college student you have reached the time when some of your peers are getting married or thinking about doing so. Maybe you are one of those people. Are you going to invite your gay friends to your wedding? Are you going to make them watch your celebration as you enter an institution that excludes them? It is surprising how often the phrase “When I get married” comes out of the average young, straight person’s mouth. Does it occur to you that simply by uttering this phrase you are asserting your straight privilege? Does that make you hesitate to say it in front of your gay friends?

Straight supporters of gay marriage must do something to show their support. The way to do this is not by pinning a button to your messenger bag. It is by refusing to show your support for the institution of marriage as it exists in contemporary U.S. society. If you want to have a big wedding and declare your undying love, devotion and commitment to another person, go ahead. Just don’t actually get married. That’s what your gay friends will have to do as things stand now. Make yourself experience the inconvenience of having no legal connection to the person with whom you are trying to share your life. Declare loudly to everyone who will listen what you are doing. Get other people to do the same thing. Make the government hear you, make them know that you will not stand to be ruled by prejudicial ideology and you will not have oppressive morality be a part of your constitution. Let them know that if marriage is going to stay an exclusive convention, like a nationwide no-queers-allowed country club, then you don’t want to have any part of it.