This is weird for you.

It is weird for me.
 

Why is this weird for you?

I don’t know. Why did you ask me to do it?
 

Why do you think I asked you to do it?

[Laughs] Because I work at the Grillé.
 

Uh-huh. So what else do you do?

That’s it. I work at the Grillé and I go to school. And when I’m not at the Grillé I’m at home.
 

Doing what?

Do you want me to tell you the first thing that came to mind? Looking at Internet porn. Don’t put that in there though. That’s embarrassing.
 

Is it true?

No, it’s not really true, but it’s kinda funny. Well, I’m usually hanging out with my housemates smoking a bunch of cigarettes and messing around on Friendster. I just signed on a few days ago and I don’t really like it. It’s a bit fascist.
 

Why?

I find it really bizarre that anyone can see a picture of me that’s on there. They can see it and be like, “Oh, that’s Dan.” I think that’s really weird. It’s the same reason why I think the Spotlight is fascist.
 

So you’re not in the Spotlight?

Well, I took my picture for the first time this year.
 

Why?

Because two cute girls asked me to do it.
 

Did they offer anything in return?

All I ask for in return is friendship.
 

So how many people do you live with?

Five guys ... well, four other guys. We like to have parties. Except somebody broke our ceiling fan last time we had a party. But I did a little detective work and figured out who it was. I called him and told him I knew he did it and had to take care of it.
 

You’re a confrontational person, huh?

When I need to be. I avoid confrontation with people who have authority over me, ‘cause then it’s just kind of embarrassing for me.
 

You don’t like to be embarrassed, huh?

[Laughs] Well, maybe I embarrass myself all the time.
 

How?

I don’t know. I take my clothes off at parties.
 

Yeah, why do you do that?

I haven’t done it in a while. Well, I took my shirt off a few weeks ago, but I was wearing a jacket over it. I’m a bit of an exhibitionist at heart.
 

What was your scene in high school?

I was a jock. I played football. But that was a long time ago. I don’t think you should write about that, I don’t think anyone would be interested in that.
 

So where is Jordan Becker?

Today’s actually a Jordan Jersey Day [points to the soccer jersey he’s wearing]. Jordan left the house on Sept. 2 and told us that he was coming back in four days, and we haven’t gotten any word from him since. Every e-mail address or contact number we have for him has been changed or removed. It’s really bizarre. And he left with just a suitcase, so all his clothes are still there. He left like five soccer jerseys, so the second Wednesday of every month is commemorative Jordan Jersey Day.
 

In hopes that he’ll return?

No, just to remember him. It’s sort of a memorial.
 

Do you think you’ll ever see him again?

No. I’m sure he’s in New York, at home with his mom in Long Island. I don’t think he wants to see us again. He can’t swallow his pride to come back.
 

Is it hard to write all the time? Doesn’t your hand get tired?
 

No, I’m fine.

You know, this whole Spotlight thing is becoming kinda cliché. I mean, I like it, I read it every week. It seems to be like a personal ad for people. I hope this isn’t a personal ad.
 

What would you like it to be, for you?

I don’t know what else it can be. Justin Hagen’s interview, that was the most personal ad of all of them. That thing about his pick-up line.
 

Do you use pick-up lines?

No. Although after reading that interview I went to a bar and tried it out. [How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice, hi, I’m Dan.]
 

How’d it go?

I went up to this woman and after I said it she goes, “Oh, that’s good, I like that,” and after that I was just like, “Alright, sweet,” and that was it. I just walked away.
 

Do you get hit on a lot at the Grillé?

Um, yes. It’s kinda weird working at the Grillé because a lot of people on campus think they know me just because I serve them. Which creates a really weird dynamic between me and the rest of the students here, I think, because I don’t know them at all. They look at me and I’m just like, “Hey, it’s just my job, I just serve you, man.” People introduce themselves to me at parties and they already know my name. They’ll be like “Hey, I’m the guy that always gets the vanilla steamer.”
 

Do you remember what people get?

Oh yeah, it’s easy. I’ve worked in food service for a long time.
 

So you like it?

I like the job because I’m a social person. It doesn’t bother me when people talk to me. It’s just annoying when they expect free stuff just because they know my name. Oh, and I don’t give away free stuff. So if Bon Appétit reads this...[laughs]
 

So why do people call you Dan-o?

I don’t know. Oh, actually I think this is why. When I was a freshman I had a radio show with my roommate, Tony Marsh, and I called myself DJ Dan-o. People have been calling me that since I got here.
 

Tell me how you feel about Mac.

I like it a lot. I really like the student body. It’s a bunch of weirdos. But they’re all different from everybody else.
 

Yeah, why do you think this place attracts so many strange ones?

I don’t know, I haven’t thought about that. It’s a pretty weird idea, I think, a small liberal arts college in St. Paul, Minnesota? That’s pretty weird in itself, don’t you think?
 

The location?

Well, yeah, and just like liberal arts education. It is kinda weird. I mean, what’s the point of it really? To get the whole sense of education I guess. Have the whole spectrum.
 

So why did you come here?

Oh, I’m from Minnesota and my cousin went here.
 

Where in Minnesota?

I grew up in Bloomington. People should know that from the Mall of America.
 

I don’t even know what your major is. What is it again?

Oh, math.
 

Dear God, why?

I like it a lot! I think it’s fun. I had a great calculus teacher in high school. She made it fun.
 

Was she hot?

No. She was a butch lesbian. But she was a good teacher. Not that butch lesbians aren’t hot. I guess they could be, but—do they prefer dyke or lesbian?
 

You’d have to ask someone else. I think dyke can still be offensive.

Yeah, I mean, I don’t want to offend anyone.
 

I know you don’t. Tell me why you’re a nice guy.

‘Cause I’m from Minnesota. Minnesota nice, right?
 

Isn’t that a bit superficial?

Yeah, I guess it is. But I’m not superficially nice. I’m genuinely nice. My mom raised me well. She taught me how to be a gentleman. And my mom is the sweetest woman I know. She is genuinely nice. I try to be a gentleman.
 

How? Going out on dates and such?

I don’t know. What is a date? I mean, is it when you go home with the person and have sex with them at the end? Or is it, like, bowling? I mean, I like to go out and have coffee, and just have conversation with ladies. I wouldn’t necessarily call that a date. I like to go get a drink, go see a movie.
 

So I hear you resemble a certain Foo Fighter.

Do you know who did that?!
 

Tell me what happened.

Friday night, someone slipped me a picture of Dave Grohl with drawn on glasses and it said “This is Dan-o.” I thought it was hilarious. I just started cracking up when I saw it. It looks exactly like me. I get that a lot though. I’ve also heard Jerry Seinfeld.
 

I don’t know how I feel about that.

Yeah, I don’t like that one so much. His hair is too poofy.
 

So how are you feeling about graduation?

I’m excited. I’m moving to L.A. I’m gonna be a movie star.
 

I didn’t know you were an actor.

I’ve never acted before.
 

So what inspired that decision?

Um, drugs. Wait, do a lot of professors, like, read these things?
 

No. So is this a lifelong dream or what?

Well, I think the first time I got the idea I was five years old and at this party at my aunt’s house and my uncle would pay me to start dancing. ‘Cause I was a pretty good dancer when I was five. And my uncle was like,

“Yeah Dan, you could really make a living doing this.”
 

So you’re gonna be a Chippendale or what?

No, I hope not. I’m never gonna show my penis on film. Well, I guess I have. But not on moving picture. I don’t need to do porno. Do you want to know my deepest, darkest fantasy?
 

Kinda.

Before I’m done working at the Grillé, I have always fantasized about putting my penis in one of the smoothies before serving it. That would feel kind of good. And I hate making smoothies. It’s part of my job, but it’s probably the worst thing about it. And some of them are just nasty.