Every year, Mockalester College provides incoming students with fairly substantial work study component of their financial aid. Approximately 248 percent of Mock students are employed through the school at any one time. However, recently the qualification of work study students has been brought into question. The problem is so widespread that managers at Café Mock, the library, Physical Plant and other places of student employment have proposed a plan to phase out incompetent student workers.

"Robots," explained Café Mock manager Chris Gum. "They're the wave of the future. Plus you don't have to pay them."

There has been much concern recently about the quality and basic skill levels of student workers. On one hand, places like the library and Café Mock rely heavily upon cheap student labor.

"Without student workers," library supervisor Mary Tarragon said, "we would have to hire people who have the qualifications that we need; we would have to pay them more. And that would be disastrous."

At the same time, work study jobs provide students with a way to pay for a Mockalester education. In fact, many students cannot afford to take out more loans and go further into debt. For these students, work study is a major selling point for the college.

"The amount of aid we give has helped us to build a bond of trust with students for years," said an Admissions Officer. "Replacing students with robots might disrupt this already fragile relationship."

Regardless of what the library, Café Mock, Admissions or the Financial Aid office say, the move to replace student workers with robots might be beyond simple pros and cons. With budgets cuts all around looming in the near future, robots offer a cheap but high quality alternative to irresponsible college students; an alternative that is more than tempting to the administration.

"While many view the robot proposal as a negative change, there are many positive aspects," said President Mike McPherson. "As I leave Mockalester next year, I want to be sure I leave it in good hands, be they made of flesh and blood or cool, unfeeling steel. Students are overrated, in many respects; but mostly they cost too much. We're facing budget constraints right around the corner. Robots just might set this campus free."

Even as the "Robie Replacement Proposal," as it is lovingly referred to by it proponents, offers an alternative to cutting departments and classes, students' reactions to the plan range from shock to indignation to fear. While many students treat the proposal as a mere rumor, others are furious at the prospect of being replaced by robots.

"We do everything for this school," one angry student said. "Without us, they would have nothing. This school needs students, but they also need the labor. It's ridiculous that they would consider replacing people with steely cold robots."

Not all students are as self-righteous or outspoken. In fact, many students fear for their very lives. One student, who asked to remain anonymous out of fear, believes that robots replacing students as employees is just the beginning.

"Once the administration, the faculty and other staff realizes just how perfect these robot workers are, once they experience the beauty of punctuality, soberness and organization, it's just one small step to engineering an entire campus of robot students," this anonymous student confided. "One day we'll wake up and the classrooms will be filled with beady little robot eyes, unseeing but at the same time vastly more accurate than our pathetic human eyes. They're coming, whether we're ready or not."

While the administration adamantly denies these allegations, sources indicate that the robot revolution has begun. Cleaning staff in Olin-Rice have reported sighting body-shaped forms in storage facilities and one student worker in the chemistry department insists that they found detailed plans for a robot takeover in a professor's office.

Work study employers aren't sympathetic to student fears.

"Students think they can have their education handed to them on a silver platter," Tarragon said. "They expect to be spoon-fed a good education and have it all paid for by the college. Well, that's not the way it works. Students at this college need to learn that if they want to do well in life, they're going to have to aspire to the level of robots. Unless Mockalester students start thinking, speaking and behaving like robots, they're going to find themselves replaced by their robotic counterparts. And I, for one, won't be sad to see it happen."