a couple weeks ago, i heard a rumor about a poo terrorist somewhere in kirk. i dismissed it as idle amusement, not knowing that soon the poo terrorist and i would be more intimate that i would like. i now live in section 7, the area of most poo terrorism, and it definitely smells. WHY WOULD ANYONE DO WHAT THE POO TERRORIST HAS DONE? i have only heard rumors, but they are vulgar and obscene, unspeakable even, and i do not anticipate my first encounter with the works of this individual.

i am going to find the poo terrorist. when i was moving out of my old room it was suggested that i hide a shit in the closet, you know, a wacky gift for an ex-roommate, but i am not a poo terrorist, and the insinuation was more insulting than i let on. now that i live in intimate quarters with some fucking freak who thinks it's funny to put feces in places that feces would never naturally occur (look, it's not, i'm sure you're some fucking anime freak nerd weirdo like everyone else in this fucking building), i realize the gravity of this claim, and i refute it.

it is time for vigilante justice. my tip line is open, and no suggestion is uncalled for.

contact me:
tip line: 651-696-7573
swatchorn at macalester dot edu

thank you. if you can still sleep at night, i would recommend it only with the utmost caution.