Plenty of Mac romances turn into lifelong partnerships. We asked Mac couples from across five decades to tell us how they fell in love at 1600 Grand, and they shared their stories—and their best relationship advice, too.

Kate Wood Amoo-Gottfried ’00 and Kofi Amoo-Gottfried ’01

How, when, and where did you meet?

We met in August 1997. Kate was a sophomore and a Resident Assistant (RA) on Dupre 2 Westside. Kofi had just arrived from Ghana and was living on Dupre 3 Westside. Kate came up to meet the RA on the floor upstairs and Kofi was getting settled into his dorm room with his roommate, Ben Knudson ’01. I think the third floor RA, Anne Hyslop ’01, introduced us. We were all on campus early; the rest of the students hadn’t arrived yet.

Sparks flew when we met again at an off-campus party a few days before the school year started. We went our separate ways that night and really didn’t meet again until summer.

First impressions of each other?  

Kate: I distinctly remember walking back to campus after that first off-campus party. I was wearing a little less clothing than was wise, given the weather. Kofi was wearing jeans and a windbreaker jacket. I thought, “Surely, this chivalrous guy will give me his jacket, at least for the walk home?” Nope! No matter how much he liked me then or how much he loves me now, I know better than to ask this Ghanaian man for his jacket. I’m a Minnesota girl and should have known better. That poor guy was freezing. He had just arrived from slightly north of the equator. That was my first important cross-cultural lesson. At the time, I thought he was pretty uncool. I’m glad I gave him a second chance.

Kofi: Kate was really sweet when she helped us move in—she was warm and welcoming, which was huge for a kid who knew next to nothing about Minnesota. And my second impression, when we ran into each other at an off-campus party a week later, was “Man, this girl can dance.” We danced the night away, went our separate ways, and starting dating a year later.

Where was your first date?

Kate: Kofi was living and working on campus. We spent an afternoon watching World Cup soccer (1998) on a tiny TV in an apartment/attic at Macalester Plymouth United Church. Bengo Mrema ’00 was the church caretaker that summer and was given a place to stay in the “attic” next to old pews. Perhaps an odd scene for a first date, but as we sat on someone’s discarded couch while watching real football (a game I knew nothing about at the time), Kofi held my hand. I was totally hooked.

I think our first official date was a group date on Valentine’s Day to Ciatti’s on Grand Avenue.

How long have you been together?

19 years, married nine years

Best love advice?

We attended the wedding of our dear friends Soren Anderson ’01 and Emily Duffelmeyer ’03 in Weyerhaeuser Chapel. It was a Quaker wedding and at one point in the ceremony, all attendees were welcome to stand and offer some words of advice to the bride and groom. In typical Macalester fashion, there were poems and quotes from many different world religions. And then the bride’s very old, very frail grandmother stood up. She said, “Did anyone ever tell you it’s going to be hard?” Then she sat back down. We were all a bit stunned at the time, but it’s the best marriage advice I’ve ever heard.

Our advice: The things you want to change about your partner won’t change. But expect that many other things will change. Be willing to grow, evolve, and change together.

John and Kay Buzza ’67

How, when, and where did you meet?  First impressions?

We met in the infamous Man and His World class in spring 1964.  A mutual friend introduced us.  John’s first impression of Kay was that she was a warm, gentle, pretty, and very smart woman.  Kay’s first impression of John was that he was handsome, kind, thoughtful, and fun.

First date?

Following an evening lecture by Sir Aldous Huxley in Cochran Lounge, we walked to the Dairy Queen on Snelling Avenue.

How long have you been together?

We had a “storybook romance” during the remainder of our Macalester days (ask us about SWAP in the summer of 1966) and married shortly after graduation on June 17, 1967. Our 50-year Mac Reunion and our 50th wedding anniversary will make for a very nice June 2017!

Best love advice?

There is no substitute for honest talking and focused listening surrounded by kindness, thoughtfulness, politeness, and respect. Caring touch is always welcome too.

Rhea Datta ’05 and Tyler Wood ’04

How, when, and where did you meet? First impressions of each other?

Rhea: We officially met in the Macalester African Music Ensemble in fall 2002, though we knew of each other by working in the Campus Center (Rhea at the info desk and Tyler at the Grille) in 2001. I thought Tyler was funny and kind and an amazing drummer.

Tyler: I noticed Rhea in the fall of her first year. Mac had organized a cultural fair that equated loosely to a talent show, but featured the artistic styles of the many nations represented by Mac students. Rhea performed a classical Indian dance. She was dressed in the traditional costume with ankle bells and moved across the stage like a fiery ember coming to life. There were a few chance encounters at the Grille, but it wasn’t until the next fall that we spent significant time together. That’s when Rhea joined the African Music Ensemble.

Where was your first date?

Rhea: Do people date at Mac? We first hung out during a super cold African Ensemble music retreat at a cabin.

Tyler: As Rhea said, there was nothing so formal as dating at Mac, but after spending countless hours together in rehearsal, on tour, or performing with the AME, we became pretty compatible. I will say that I was able to win Rhea’s heart, via a carefully laid trap of spicy whole catfish dinners at Grand Pad Thai cafe.

How long have you been together?

Rhea: It will be roughly 15 years this fall with a break or two in the middle.

Tyler: Since Tyler got his act together.

Best love advice?

Rhea: Listen to the music that you both love regularly (especially music that you enjoyed when you were first getting together). It reminds you of that heady honeymoon phase, where anything is possible.

Tyler: Rhea and I basically grew up together over the past 14 years, so I often know her moves before she makes them. But I am somehow continually surprised and challenged by her, which makes the partnership interesting and allows me to keep learning from her. I think love for the long run is about trusting the person enough to allow them into that deep dark, quiet, protected place where you make changes to who you are as a person.

Jamila Humphrie ’11 and Emily Schorr Lesnick ’11

How, when, and where did you meet? First impressions of each other?

Jamila: We met on the first day of Orientation in late August 2007. I remember sitting in a circle in front of 30 Mac on the grass, swatting away a mosquito, listening to Emily talk about how she got a scar on her knee. We were in a residential first-year course so we took a class together that semester and lived on the same floor—Turck 2! I felt like I had never met anyone like her  before. She was so loud and confident!

Emily: She was quiet, but I could tell there was more beneath the surface.

Where was your first date?

Our first date was at the now-closed Kathmandu restaurant on Valentine’s Day 2008. Other dates included going to Whole Foods and trying all the samples.

How long have you been together?

We first decided to start dating after winter break in January 2008! We’ve been together for nine years.

Best love advice?

Emily: Since we’ve been together for such a long time, we’ve made space to grow together as individuals and as a couple. Be open to change. Also, support each other’s hustle and work on a creative project together!

Jamila: What Emily’s saying is that whatever creative projects or career moves we’re working on, we really try to be supportive of each other. I lived in Brazil for almost a year for my Fulbright and we worked it out. She has an amazing podcast (recorded in our apartment), “The Soul Glo Project,” which highlights diversity in comedy. Last fall, I was interning in the White House—and she supported me throughout my time there. I guess the trick to being together since 18 is being open to the fact that you will both change.

Consuelo Gutierrez-Crosby and Matt Crosby ’98

How, when, and where did you meet?

We met our first year. We both lived on Dupre 5 West. Matt played soccer, so was gone for most of the first semester. Once soccer ended, Matt spent a lot more time in the dorm and we got to know each other.

First impressions of each other?

Consuelo: I remember thinking he was really nice and funny. I liked that he was athletic. It didn’t hurt that he was cute. I didn’t think about pursuing him because my friend was interested in him. I remember encouraging her to get to know him. She didn’t because at the time he had a girlfriend.

Matt: Consuelo was always smiling and happy and that made me want to be around her. Once we met, I wanted to get to know her better. I remember wondering how we had not met sooner, considering we lived half a hallway away from each other.

Where was your first date?

A movie at the Grandview: Dolores Claiborne

How long have you been together?

22 years! Married 16.5 and counting.

Best love advice?

Consuelo: Laughter! Matt is really good at bringing levity and humor to any situation. Be patient with and support one another. It isn’t always easy. Gratitude.

Matt: Don’t go to bed angry with each other.  If you do, everything just starts off poorly again in the morning.  The old saying “Happy wife, happy life” is quite true.  Say “I love you” to each other every day. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry.” It goes a long way.

 

Maureen and David Engelhardt ’83

How, when, and where did you meet?

August 1979, move-in day, freshman year, Bigelow Hall. Next-door neighbors in Third Bigelow, we were both in a group of friends—nearly half the floor—which became our social network for the year. And for some of us, through college and beyond.

First impressions of each other?

Maureen: I have this mental picture from that first night, meeting in the lounge, of a quiet, stoic, intense person. He did his own thing: carrying a briefcase to class, using green-lined computer paper for notes.

David: I thought she was cool. And really smart.

Where was your first date?

Maureen: We didn’t really date, we hung out. First in a group, then as friends, and eventually as a couple. I think the first date-like thing we did is walk down to the river.

David: From Snelling to the river along Summit on a perfect fall day.

How long have you been together?

We became a couple junior year and, except for grad school when we went our separate ways, have been together ever since. Married 31 years this August.

Best love advice?

Maureen: While there are many things we agree on, there are many ways in which we differ. Complementary skills make for a strong partnership, and that will support a relationship through the long haul.

David: Find someone you respect.

February 13 2017

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